chiquitas spot

so sick

Posted on: January 7, 2008

I’d wish y’all a happy new year except it isn’t, its really f*** new year thanks to our very selfish politicians aka leaders .all politicians are egotistical, self-centered, self-seeking, self-interested, self-absorbed, selfish, narcissistic, conceited individuals including Hon Kibaki and Hon Raila.are we important only when we are voting for you? How come you are taking your time when we the mwananchi are suffering in our own country? I have vowed never to make friends with politicians ever, they are just not worth it.

I didn’t get to vote because of unavoidable reasons but am angered that our politicians are doing nothing about the displaced folks or about the killings happening shame on all of you!
I got to see first hand what kind of shit went down. When the presidential results were announced I was busy looking for some meds to avert a ka-accident in a nondescript town in kajiado-north constituency, suddenly everyone started running, unfortunately for me I couldn’t run because am back to using a crutch so I cried my way thru the tear gas with Mr. B tearing up beside me only to get some idiots trying to trash the ride, cops came to our aid we managed to get away minus a few windows but at least we were safe .I also couldn’t go home for a few days because the roads were impassable and because I was freaked out. I have heard so many horror (true) stories and insomnia has checked in .I just hope our politicians come to their senses soon and that we’ll forgive each other go back to what we were, are and will remain united peace loving folks….

this is incase i forget to wish happy birthday on time and not getting you presents on time too. 🙂

1st Jan: Muoki -belated happy birthday .ur line is dead give me a call n let me know if you are ok.
2 nd Jan: Mr B: for someone who had a sucky birthday you sure are a good spot. Here is to many more birthdays.
9th Jan; Tawney congratulations becoming on a daddy…happy birthday dear! (Can I hope that you’ll stop using/smoking whatever shit you are on ;)?)

12th Jan: baby Trev: happy 7th birthday hope you’ll remain as sweet as you are.

13th Jan: happy birthday Jinx! I can’t believe my baby siz is 19! (I checked Ur birthday isn’t on Friday so I’ll definitely show up…) Maybe we should stop calling you jinx huh?

13th Jacqui: happy 19th birthday to you too! (How is it I know to jinxes born on the same Friday, same year)?

24th Jan: chaina: happy birthday you always have my back.thanx…and yes I love you. Come home soon.

31st Jan Twiri: am still amazed that you had kid. I didn’t see that coming…happy birthday to wonderful mummy!
Now how will I manage eight presents? Si a card is still considered a present?

there is nothing good about the year so far but am hopefull for tommorow.happy new year y’all .for those of you who make resolutions good luck for those of us who don’t life is short ,break the rules,forgive quickly,love truly and laugh hard.

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I have been working on my nevers and finally decided to go to a strip joint last Friday, the volunteers to guide me to this virgin territory were more than eager and kept calling all afternoon to remind me about the rendezvous .I didn’t know what to wear because how could one compete with near naked women, with perfect bodies?. So I decided on my everyday way black shirt, even darker pants and boots at least this way I wouldn’t  stick out like a sore thumb…since my boys are “veterans” they decided on one club where they say the mamas are hotter .so at 9 pm we check in the joint apparently only men get to pay Chiquitas’ walk in free. The club is darkly lit and it’s very hard to recognize anyone. As we look for some place to seat I ask the boys to take me furthest from where the action will be (just incase) so we seat in a corner where you can see everything happening around you. To the casual observer the clientele is normal 23-45 year old men some still in their day suits ,nothing perverted in their look.and of course thier was the married man(i ‘ll serve my comments for this one)  so anywhoo ,at around  10 theDj/ Mcee introduces the beauties with thier so-not-original-names(how can someone imagine a name like caro having stage presence?) then i look up hoping to see someone like her:

candy_stipper_thumb.jpgpic courtesy of www.thecostumer.com/…/

you know a nurse maids uniform or a police womans uniform or maybe a long coat but this wasn’t to be ! instead of the chicks came in already undressed….completely killing the moment-atleast for me.(I thought stripping meant taking off clothes one by one?)what happened to heightening the senses first?and that not the only beef i had…they were dancing on poles that were in the middle of a table(as in the table is a round table with a pole in the middle)and the tables had been previously occupied by peeps eeeeewww!
then later i look at the mamas properly what do they mean by wearing cheap underwear like that..those street lacy boxers that cost 50 bob ,how now?.. after about an hour the strippers kept changing tables doing the same moves until it was hard to tell the difference between caro,martha and the rest… After 1 hour of watching this i decided i’d been hoaxed enough and wanted out,my boys suggested another joint but i decided sighting the same difference line .
if this clubs are going to have strippers they had better make it that, not parading polite hos as strippers…

end of rant now to the question:
can all the sexperts(or in this case men) please rise up? yes you Xs,Archer,Bomseh,pilato,bella,3N,Kip,modo,Agiasi,boyfulani,kirima and company … could you please explain what qualities a chick would have to have to be certified as good in bed? recently Archer stated that guys rate a mama like so:

1.The strokes were on point kabisa, the chic has some mad skills. Definitely worth hitting again, several times over.

2.Ish ish. Nothing spectacular. Super average.

 3.Totally wack. She’s a hopeless lay. It was like throwing a sausage down a corridor (Aco 2006)

I guess my questions here is what mad skills would this be? being able to kegel a dude?

So, Christmas is here …yay! Personally I don’t get all Christmassy and stuff all I enjoy is the many holidays I’ll have this means I’ll finally be able to finish the 4 novels am reading at a go and maybe watch a few more old movies.
After my run-in with the ex-that-wouldn’t-let-go I needed to unwind and the Jobbo Christmas was just the place to cheer me up.
Since I was one of the organizers I was supposed to collect everyone’s choice of drink so the catering company would have an idea of the quanties/type of drinks to serve. The miros here had a field day. They ordered stuff I’d never even heard of..Sijui hennesy, cognac, spanish brandy ,calvados, grappa…etc..Some people you give them an inch and they take a kilometer…. anywho at first I was bit skeptical because seating arrangement for the diner was preplanned and the diner tables had already been labeled and you were stuck with the peeps at your table for the first 5 hours until dinner was over.

I scanned the list I saw I’d been stuck with a guy who we rarely talk because I though he has the whole angry thing going on, am not sure if its in the bad boy way or assholewholly way, then the rest were jungus..(They are cool except my conversations with them always have a lot of “sorry I didn’t hear that” or “pardon me”….. because they have freaking strong accents…. the only accents I understand are kenyan, kikuyu,luhya,kao,kyuk,kaleo,…a lil bit of British and American but I have a problem with French, Irish, Russian,ukranian,German..And the occupants of the table had these accents.)I braved the accents barely hearing anything (am sure this people thought am slow :)…and patient tried to listen to the speeches. clapped at people who were being awarded….

Finally the moment everyone was looking forward to came at about 11 o’clock: the food was served and it was great. Then the alcohol was unleashed …the first two hours were ok but after two hours the effect of the never-consumed-before-drinks started showing a few unnecessary hugs here and there, a few suggestive words uttered here and there, a few ‘weird-in-a-nice-way-look exchanged. I really had a ball seeing the awkwardness being replaced by friendly smiles and lively conversation courtesy of very expensive liquor…alcohol is not my thing in this kind of function so just sipped on “barbed wire “the whole night until the dance floor was officially opened if thought the night was funny the funniest would be trying to watch guys attempt dancing….the MD(jungu) was the one to open the floor and he had the whole jungu-guy-overbite-dance-complete-with-shoulder-slides…I had a really hard time trying to put on a straight face when he picked me to dance with him but I went along and even copied some of his moves :)….I spent the rest of the night dancing to whatever jam was on …made a few friends on the dance floor, got hit on a few times.

by the time i was leaving …i saw a few guys who would later wish they hadnt touched the booze..like the angry guy on my table….he hooked up with a random chiquita and made out in the parking lot where everyone who wanted to see saw them…then there were the ones who threw up all over the place,the the ones who had an urge to fungua their rohos and accousted the MD…..

What part of no-I cant-love-you don’t you understand.?

Let me try and break it down for you . Yes, I used to love you and there was nothing that I wouldn’t have done for you but you betrayed me and disappeared from my life when I needed you most and your excuse?
you seriously didnt think that line would work on me did you? What do I look like 12?
Contrary to what you are saying am not feeling “fly” for you I have moved on with my life and I think you should do the same.
My friends or folks won’t make me take you back you of all people know I don’t take advice nicely. I know you’ll read this I just want to let you know you are crowding me in a not-so-nice-way.
When you left you broke my heart in many pieces but I didn’t give up on love.
You are unbelievable you know that? How can you even try and justify what you did…. Blame me? How?

Maybe you are sorry, so am I but I cant have you in my life again.Please let me be. I would like to remember you fondly please don’t ruin my memories.

I  have three brothers: two natural one adopted in the sense that his ol man and mine are brothers . He(third brother) came to live with us when he was 11 years ol.d how that happened is that his mum found greener pastures in the form of a richer, uglier man than my uncle and she just upped divorced him and left …my uncle being heartbroken and in the navy had no time to take care of achild so that’s how we had an older brother.
We (me N Him) connect with him on a different level than the rest because we shared a traumatic childhood together…for him it was his mum just abandoning him and mine was more or less the same except mine had gone to studyand at least i got an occasional call and i-love you- …even though he was five years older we became inseparable. Moving on…my cousin/brother( Jay )lived with us until he was thru with campo got his first job and moved out…fortunately or unfortunately his ol man died and left him some inheritance and by stroke of luck or something Jay started a business that became a success overnight…this meant free booze and ice cream for yours truly until she came along….

she (gold digger -) wasn’t a jaw dropper in the looks department in any way, definitely not something to write home about …
Jay was the total babe magnet before she got her claws on him…maybe I was jealous but seriously, she worked her number until Jay was singing her name…let me count the ways she controlled him: he couldn’t go out anymore with me or the boys, she kept tabs on him (calling every hour)and at the end of the day ask for a recap from him and he’d have to fill in the empty time spaces, she’d go thru his phone book and call any chick she found suspect and tell her(crudely) to stay away from my “her” man (one time she threatened my sister who is a pyscho and boy was that funny ;)) as if that wasnt annoying enough she quit her jobbo and went to boss Jay’s employees until they threatened to quit. above all she was disrespectful to my folks who Jays sees as his parents.
..

we all cried out and tried warning Jay but he wouldn’t hear a word we said citing the four letter word…then as if to spite us one day she found an apartment asked Jay to pay, bought everything new (Jays money) and somehow they moved in together ,just like that…now Jay was her puppet and she was controlling the strings /he’d swallowed the bait hook ,line and sinker.There was no way to getting to him.

she had orchestrated her plans to the last dot…there is this time when I was in Uganda and my brothers had come visiting ..She called him every hour accusing him of sleeping around and even called me hurling matusis ati i was pimping him to my Ugandan pals! Being the gentleman he was he’d listen then baby her…(this boy is just special) if she thought I was of the same temperament boy was she in for some shock. I went ghetto on her over the phone until she apologized and we ended that conversation by me asking her to never ever call me….

so anywho she continued living with Jay and spending his cash it was raining from the sky…when my old man saw this he encouraged Jay to officalise their union at least this way we’d be sure she wasn’t in it for the money…she reluctantly agreed and said she’d organize…for some reason we didn’t know her family except her sister so this way we’d meet them .Kao tradition dictates that the dudes family should go to the chicks and introduce themselves and state their intentions luckily was a kyuk so we shared that tradition…
so my ol man organized this with his relaz and a date was set .a week before it was supposed to go down the chick cancelled ..Saying that her folks said they had other commitments that couldn’t wait and moved that date to the next month, which became many more months until my folks gave up.

What she did next only surprised Jay, the rest of us saw it coming. One day he comes home and finds his apartment empty…she had only left his clothes.(only because he has no taste in clothes) Mattress, bed, tv,kitchenware…everything gone! Plus she cleaned out an account they shared…to say Jay was devastated would be the understatement of the year; he was completely crushed not because she fleeced him but because he thought she loved him! Seriously how?

Later he traced her and tried getting his stuff back but he couldn’t because she had bought everything in her name…Jay never saw the harm in this because he thought they’d get hitched. When he asked her her why she did it she just gave an evil laugh….

My brother is still healing but he wont let any chick near him at all .
Just the other day on my home On munene Nyagas show a guy called in with a similar story saying that the chick was From kabete where Jays chick was from. a few other guys called in complaining about kabete mamas and their gold digging antics…this got me thinking when the rest of us were being grilled to work hard and get our own stuff what were they being taught: how to cut off a mans balls?

Second question how do you live with yourself after you destroy someone like that?….

qoute for the week:
throw out an alarming alarm clock.if the ring is loud and strident,you are waking up to instant stress.you shouldn’t be bullied out of bed ,just reminded that its time to start your day.
sharon Goff

so the holiday is over 😦

Am back to whatever I do.and from the look of things This going to be a very a loong bad/dreadful week.

while i was away seems some people were patriotic , idle or how else would you explain the 253 forwards in one of my email address?53 of these are hate mail for PNU and ODM/RAILA….

AfterI sift thru the political hate I come to the Kaz nude pics! all from jamaaz…i just dont get it ….why would someone rejoice at anothers misfortune?the incident reminded me of a chick in campo who dumped the boyfie who in turn pasted her nude pics in all the cybers and and notice boards.The idiot even had volunteers to paint the notice boards naked……the gal was traumatised especially since the pics did there rounds faster than a bushfire and everywhere she turned people pointed,jeered and some making bold overtures…she was forced to see a shrink until she was in fifth year.

A guy who does that sort of thing is as little as they come and in my opinion they should consult Dr.frank Njenga and two of his buddies at go………

Anywhoo..i had a blast and managed to do many things from my to-do-list…like doing me :)and finally went to see the cheetah park in Athi river,finally stopped using my crutch and the hardest: officialy being introduced to Mr Brys folks(was that wierd or what?…….details later) they seemed to like me and that had led to a few wierd questions like:‘when had you planned to get hitched or how many children do you plan on having?’what was i saying? yes am freaked out……..

I also managed hang out with one of the two teenage-mothers-to-be we became fast friends especially now since none of her agemates want nothing to do with her.her baby is due in a month and somehow she had hidden this fact from her folks.and i sort of advised her to tell her mom who in turn flipped her lid and threw her out,being the “good” person i am..i housed her and acted as the go between mum and daughter.she finally moved back home and working on her relationships with the folks,choosing baby names and doing whatever else mothers-to be do.

ps
am into cologne big time and i convinced ,confused a pal to get me a victoria-don-tell-nobody perfume..and sijui am not feeling it……
this has been one long morning…managed to blog and go for my last Hepattis B jab (my left hand feels like i was being punched..)am off to the othorpeadic surgeon who sliced me up and hopping this will be it.

pps
I have been thinking…do you know how easy it is to cheat and not get caught? and no i didn’t do it …

if i knew this was going to be such a hot week i’d never had taken my holiday.so far i have managed to go to like three towns in this heat.i have a had a of of fun seeing some godforsaken places ,met a few interesting people..done some madhambis i would never tell even if my life depended on it :0)
i came back to town yesterday and found that one of the boys has let go of his mothers aproan strings and got his own ka hao..he doesnt own anything and was asking advice on how to go about getting stuff.after we all agreed that the basics were a cooker/some dishes then a fridge plus a bed.i then sugggested geting a sofa from a guy i knew then the gang was like”hell no!”they went on to explain that its easier getting sum ass from a chick who’s on your bed than on your sofa as the amount of begging would be shorter.
when will men understand that we are always in control?!

so anywhoo..am travelling a few more towns for the next week,commit some more “sins”

so be good people