chiquitas spot

Archive for December 2007

I have been working on my nevers and finally decided to go to a strip joint last Friday, the volunteers to guide me to this virgin territory were more than eager and kept calling all afternoon to remind me about the rendezvous .I didn’t know what to wear because how could one compete with near naked women, with perfect bodies?. So I decided on my everyday way black shirt, even darker pants and boots at least this way I wouldn’t  stick out like a sore thumb…since my boys are “veterans” they decided on one club where they say the mamas are hotter .so at 9 pm we check in the joint apparently only men get to pay Chiquitas’ walk in free. The club is darkly lit and it’s very hard to recognize anyone. As we look for some place to seat I ask the boys to take me furthest from where the action will be (just incase) so we seat in a corner where you can see everything happening around you. To the casual observer the clientele is normal 23-45 year old men some still in their day suits ,nothing perverted in their look.and of course thier was the married man(i ‘ll serve my comments for this one)  so anywhoo ,at around  10 theDj/ Mcee introduces the beauties with thier so-not-original-names(how can someone imagine a name like caro having stage presence?) then i look up hoping to see someone like her:

candy_stipper_thumb.jpgpic courtesy of…/

you know a nurse maids uniform or a police womans uniform or maybe a long coat but this wasn’t to be ! instead of the chicks came in already undressed….completely killing the moment-atleast for me.(I thought stripping meant taking off clothes one by one?)what happened to heightening the senses first?and that not the only beef i had…they were dancing on poles that were in the middle of a table(as in the table is a round table with a pole in the middle)and the tables had been previously occupied by peeps eeeeewww!
then later i look at the mamas properly what do they mean by wearing cheap underwear like that..those street lacy boxers that cost 50 bob ,how now?.. after about an hour the strippers kept changing tables doing the same moves until it was hard to tell the difference between caro,martha and the rest… After 1 hour of watching this i decided i’d been hoaxed enough and wanted out,my boys suggested another joint but i decided sighting the same difference line .
if this clubs are going to have strippers they had better make it that, not parading polite hos as strippers…

end of rant now to the question:
can all the sexperts(or in this case men) please rise up? yes you Xs,Archer,Bomseh,pilato,bella,3N,Kip,modo,Agiasi,boyfulani,kirima and company … could you please explain what qualities a chick would have to have to be certified as good in bed? recently Archer stated that guys rate a mama like so:

1.The strokes were on point kabisa, the chic has some mad skills. Definitely worth hitting again, several times over.

2.Ish ish. Nothing spectacular. Super average.

 3.Totally wack. She’s a hopeless lay. It was like throwing a sausage down a corridor (Aco 2006)

I guess my questions here is what mad skills would this be? being able to kegel a dude?


So, Christmas is here …yay! Personally I don’t get all Christmassy and stuff all I enjoy is the many holidays I’ll have this means I’ll finally be able to finish the 4 novels am reading at a go and maybe watch a few more old movies.
After my run-in with the ex-that-wouldn’t-let-go I needed to unwind and the Jobbo Christmas was just the place to cheer me up.
Since I was one of the organizers I was supposed to collect everyone’s choice of drink so the catering company would have an idea of the quanties/type of drinks to serve. The miros here had a field day. They ordered stuff I’d never even heard of..Sijui hennesy, cognac, spanish brandy ,calvados, grappa…etc..Some people you give them an inch and they take a kilometer…. anywho at first I was bit skeptical because seating arrangement for the diner was preplanned and the diner tables had already been labeled and you were stuck with the peeps at your table for the first 5 hours until dinner was over.

I scanned the list I saw I’d been stuck with a guy who we rarely talk because I though he has the whole angry thing going on, am not sure if its in the bad boy way or assholewholly way, then the rest were jungus..(They are cool except my conversations with them always have a lot of “sorry I didn’t hear that” or “pardon me”….. because they have freaking strong accents…. the only accents I understand are kenyan, kikuyu,luhya,kao,kyuk,kaleo,…a lil bit of British and American but I have a problem with French, Irish, Russian,ukranian,German..And the occupants of the table had these accents.)I braved the accents barely hearing anything (am sure this people thought am slow :)…and patient tried to listen to the speeches. clapped at people who were being awarded….

Finally the moment everyone was looking forward to came at about 11 o’clock: the food was served and it was great. Then the alcohol was unleashed …the first two hours were ok but after two hours the effect of the never-consumed-before-drinks started showing a few unnecessary hugs here and there, a few suggestive words uttered here and there, a few ‘weird-in-a-nice-way-look exchanged. I really had a ball seeing the awkwardness being replaced by friendly smiles and lively conversation courtesy of very expensive liquor…alcohol is not my thing in this kind of function so just sipped on “barbed wire “the whole night until the dance floor was officially opened if thought the night was funny the funniest would be trying to watch guys attempt dancing….the MD(jungu) was the one to open the floor and he had the whole jungu-guy-overbite-dance-complete-with-shoulder-slides…I had a really hard time trying to put on a straight face when he picked me to dance with him but I went along and even copied some of his moves :)….I spent the rest of the night dancing to whatever jam was on …made a few friends on the dance floor, got hit on a few times.

by the time i was leaving …i saw a few guys who would later wish they hadnt touched the the angry guy on my table….he hooked up with a random chiquita and made out in the parking lot where everyone who wanted to see saw them…then there were the ones who threw up all over the place,the the ones who had an urge to fungua their rohos and accousted the MD…..

What part of no-I cant-love-you don’t you understand.?

Let me try and break it down for you . Yes, I used to love you and there was nothing that I wouldn’t have done for you but you betrayed me and disappeared from my life when I needed you most and your excuse?
you seriously didnt think that line would work on me did you? What do I look like 12?
Contrary to what you are saying am not feeling “fly” for you I have moved on with my life and I think you should do the same.
My friends or folks won’t make me take you back you of all people know I don’t take advice nicely. I know you’ll read this I just want to let you know you are crowding me in a not-so-nice-way.
When you left you broke my heart in many pieces but I didn’t give up on love.
You are unbelievable you know that? How can you even try and justify what you did…. Blame me? How?

Maybe you are sorry, so am I but I cant have you in my life again.Please let me be. I would like to remember you fondly please don’t ruin my memories.